FIFTEEN

I followed her back to the hotel. On the way inside the room, she slammed the door in my face; the force of it almost pushed my nose up into my brain and killed me, but my brain had been so stunted by The Cleveland Public school I had extra room in there and the only thing I suffered was bloody nose. I stood there on the balcony for a few minutes, cleaning myself off, begging her to let me in, if only to get some toilet paper I could shove up my nostrils. She only told me to fuck off.

I didn't have nothing else to do, so I decided to go find some beer to help me erase my memory of the situation. Because, it was a bad one.

Once I got moving around, I saw that this neighborhood was a totally different world from my neighborhod even though it was only a couple miles away. This place was rough while my neighborhod was just kind a scuffed up a little. Here, food stamps and welfare are career options. Even I was employed, sort of, so for once I finally felt good about myself, even thought maybe someone around here would look at me for advice in how to move up in the world. It took me awhile, but I finally found the trendy area I always heard assholes talking about to put me in my place again. There was a bunch a coffee shops and other shit all glowing in neon I didn't care much about; all I was looking for was a beer hole, and not some fancy place that served Euro-piss brew. I wanted good old American barley and hops and some cool Rocky Mountain spring water.

Of course, I don't find that kind a place; but what do I find? My old boss, the guy who fired me when I had all eleven thick inches a my dick hanging out a my pants, the story I was about to write at the beginning a this thing, but didn't have time because I had to start with the pussy. Anyway, he come strolling out a this restaurant like he owned the world and the moment I saw him I remembered I owed him a good dose a revenge.

Because no man fucks with Bob Collins and gets away with it.

So I rushed him from behind and punched him in the kidney, not hard enough to knock him over, but hard enough to get his attention, sort a like going up to someone's house and ringing the doorbell and saying, "Guess, what, asshole, someone's here for a visit!" Soon as I hit him, he turned around in pain, sort a rubbing the hell out a his lower back. When he saw me, his eyes went all wide and shit.

I smiled at him; and with that smile I was silently saying, That's right, motherfucker -- payback.

"Bob?" he stammered. "Imagine finding you in a neighborhood like this. What are the odds?"

"I don't know," I said. "I went to Cleveland Public Schools -- I ain't good at math."

Something must a been going through his head; I could see the gears turning; then, without no warning at all, he went and done a real bitch thing and kicked me in the nuts. Just like that, my undefeated record since I been with Janice was shattered. I went down, just like you'd expect me to, and while I was down, he ran away like a little girl.