FIVE

When I pulled out she said, "I guess you owe me two hundred dollars now," with a big glop a goo running down her thighs.

"Put it on my tab," I said dismissively.

She dabbed a paper towel at her crotch. "Who says you have a tab?"

I couldn't think a nothing to say, so I said what I always say when I can't think of nothing to say: "Fuck you!"

"That's how you treat me after what we just did?"

"Sue me," I said.

"If I wasn't sure it would be a waste of time and money, I would."

I looked at her dumbly, but that only seemed to piss her off.

"Don't you have anything to say for yourself, or are you going to stand there looking like a jack ass all day?"

I thought for a long time. Best as I could manage I couldn't come up with nothing to say, at least nothing she wanted to hear, so I just said what came to mind. "You got nice titties."

For a moment I thought she was going to throw the come-covered paper towel at me, but she only growled.

"Forget it. I was hoping we could be friends. I was wrong. I want my money. And an apology for the rude and callous way you treated me."

I invoked Bob's First Principle. "Fuck you!"

"Aren't you scared I might come back here with some big black pimp and take it out of your ass?"

"Go ahead," I said, "you can't get no blood out of a turnip," thinking I'd probably trip her up with that one and confuse the shit out a her. Standing there smugly, I waited for her to fall apart in front a my face.

"Don't pull those pathetic hiphop metaphors on me," she said. I was so stunned she'd caught on to my bullshit, especially that fast, I knew some drastic measures had to be taken. Before she could say nothing else I grabbed her arm and started directing her to the door. It was hard to imagine, but even as we argued I was falling more in love with her. I wanted to take her back to my bed and keep her for the rest of my life.

She yanked her arm free and I just stood there looking at her in super-amazement. Not only was she beautiful, hot, sexy, and fun to fuck, she was strong too; and the smartest girl I ever met.

"No one around here understands my metaphors," I said.

She said, "I'm not from around here. Now, stop trying to change the subject. How much cash do you have?"

"Ten bucks," I said.

"Show me."

I whipped out my dick, but by "show me" she meant the money, not Big Ole Cock; so I pulled out the ten dollar bill. She snatched it out a my fingers. Before I could get my hands back on it, she'd stashed it between her titties.

"You owe me a hundred ninety bucks now. You can make payments on the rest, ten bucks a month for three years until we're settled."

I took a moment to think about it. That added up to far more than one hundred ninety bucks.

"It's called interest," she said. "It's the least you owe me."

I needed a bitch like this in my life. Maybe she could help me get myself straight, get me on a budget or something, help me out a debt (even though she'd just got me into more). Suddenly she seemed like much more than a whore; she seemed like the key to my happiness and prosperity. "Who the fuck are you?" I said more to myself than to her.

"If you want to know who I am, take me to lunch."

"I don't got no money," I said.

She had that problem solved. She gave me back the ten. "You can pay me back, in installments if necessary."

"You're never going to leave me alone, are you?"

The way she smiled sort of worried me. "At least not until I get my money or an equal amount in goods and services. Are we going?"

"Don't expect me to buy you dessert," I said.

"Let's just say if you're nice enough to me, I'll provide the dessert."

I liked the sound a that.